could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
