my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize