I bet he comes in French.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
