3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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