ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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