Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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