I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
