Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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