Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
