I wish i was in the wii world.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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