New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
