Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
even my farts smell like vagina
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
