ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
