I wish my penis had an off switch
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize