i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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