dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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