man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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