Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
