Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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