hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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