this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
