we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry about my life...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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