you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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