Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
