pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
