is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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