My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
