Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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