We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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