alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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