Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
