She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
