youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
