dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
