You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to sanitize my soul.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
