; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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