you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
