you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
