I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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