Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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