I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cut my penus on the lid.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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