The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
