She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she smelled like a LAN party
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
