I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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