We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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