their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
