No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
