Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
