i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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