Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
