So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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