That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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