Jerry, you need to find god
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
