Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
