Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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