Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
