Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He did a backflip because drugs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
