I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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