The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
