she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
