FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
