Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
how drunk are you?
Several
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
