my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
