he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
