id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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