Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
