It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
