kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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