and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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