Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
