dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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