the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
