I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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