i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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