we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
