i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
