she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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