Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
