It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
