i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
