who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
