I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
