the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
