Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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