I just pynch a tree in the face
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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