Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
