You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
