halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
